How Many People Hold Themselves Back Professionally Because They're All About Themselves?
If you're an actual reader of LinkedIn posts, you may have noticed a recent trend. Clearly some social media guru made a pronouncement and folks are following suit. Have you noticed the deliberate extra line spacing and single sentence paragraphs? The hope must be that their first sentence is so intriguing and so compelling that readers simply must click the 'see more' and scroll and scroll. Here's my opinion - the only time I'm into multiple scrolls is at Bakers Delight and it involves cinnamon icing. (Confession - I needed three attempts to spell 'cinnamon' correctly. I'm not better than you.)
I was intrigued by two recent posts in my LinkedIn timeline. Both were effectively on the same topic. One was an unsuccessful job applicant slamming the employer for not getting back to them with feedback on why they didn't get the job. The other was a tech company director slamming a potential client they'd spent 10 hours preparing and pitching to, only to again never hear back after not getting the gig.
I'm not going to slam the two posters with a 'Harden up and move on' retort. I did actually comment on their post (in a non NZ Herald commentor kind of way, you know, positive and constructive) and they 'liked' my comments.
To both I said something like, look you're right, that feedback would have been useful to you and they would have been great employers / people if they had given it you. And, sometimes, it's a lazy and shortsighted move on their part if they don't. The world's an increasingly small place and 'employer brand' is important to attract talent. If you got an interview and you came 2nd, then you clearly are talented and probably would've been great at the job but someone else was better or fit better or had something extra of value or it was political. In all those scenarios, you can't do anything about it and while it may be interesting to you and you might get closure, it really isn't performance-enhancing feedback. But it does give you closure and does leave you with a less bitter taste in your mouth and you're more inclined to speak positively about that employer and not slam them on social media posts. That stuff adds up and sticks.
And, if it was an internal application then definitely they should have given specific feedback and had a conversation around the whys and the what nexts. If that was the case, and they didn't do that, well that too is a kind of feedback - one that suggests maybe they're not the best outfit you could be working for, so start researching where else might be.
The above situations are the top part of the pyramid. Sales pitches and job applications are a numbers game and most are instantly rejected. If you came 2nd, you deserve feedback and it's in their interest to give it to you and become known as someone who does. If you came 214th, harden up and move on. Recruiting is a cost that is measured. Time is a big factor in that calculation. You either are or are not worth it. If you're not sure, then the onus is on you to convince the employer / client that even if you're not successful, you are worth the feedback on why you weren't.
For the sales pitch people, they could have qualified the opportunity better to make sure they weren't being used by tyre-kickers to squeeze an incumbent or just get free ideas. They could have stipulated early and formally in the process an expectation of feedback and a definitive mechanism for how it should occur. If you're not confident enough to do that or they're not willing to accept it, then you're not worth it.
For the job applicants, they could play the sentiment card. Or, they could as a parting remark, make a specific request to the interviewer. making eye contact and acknowledging they know their time is valuable etc and they might (might) convince one person at a personal level to commit to calling them afterwards and sticking to that commitment. The key part is acknowledging their time is valuable. The upside benefit of the feedback is entirely to the applicant. The downside cost is entirely to the interviewer. There has to be something in it for them. What's their WIIFM. (brainbasedboss.com) The applicant can't offer much if anything tangible. The very least is acknowledging their time is valuable and you'd appreciate it and the difference it would make to you. My experience as an interviewer, employer and reader of Linkedin post comments indicates the vast majority of applicants don't do this small, simple thing. They just expect it, don't ask for it, and act surprised when it doesn't arrive. I get it but it's a self-centricity that will probably hold them back in their careers generally.
I want to finish by getting back to the headline of this article - people holding themselves back because they're all about themselves. I do a little interactivity with my audiences at my presentations. It's short, fun, safe and makes a great point on this topic. It's from a piece of research by Northwestern University / Columbia Business School led by Adam Galinsky. People stand and are paired. They click their fingers on their dominant hand 5 times. I ask them to imagine their index finger is a marker and to write on their own forehead the capital letter E 3 times. Whilst they do this, they observe their partner doing it on their forehead. Everyone sits and we debrief the activity. As you can see in the header picture of this article, there are two ways of doing it. Crudely oversimplified, and by itself it means nothing, but the general idea is that there are two types of people in this world and neither is right or wrong. It's just useful to know which your natural default is - self-oriented or other-oriented. Many of those LinkedIn commentors certainly made theirs obvious.